We get a lot of great questions and I thought that maybe some of our friends at Club Calexotics could help us answer this one.  What advice do you have for Todd? 

 

Hey Ryan and Dr. Jessica,

So I followed your advice about what to bring for that booty call and it was pretty amazing.  She went crazy, screaming and scratching me up when I used that Crystal G on her.  I used the whole "come here" motion that you showed me and she said she has never had more powerful orgasms.  It's been 3 days and she has been calling and texting me asking when we can get together again.  I should be in one of your videos as a testimonial.  :)

Ok so now I have a couple of questions.  The toys obviously worked and she's hooked.  But...

1.  Are they mine or hers?  I bought them and used them with her at my apartment.  If I bring them to her place, can I take them home with me or will she expect that I will leave them with her?  Am I being a dick if I take my toys and go home?  What's the etiquette here?

2.  Is it gross if I use them with another girl?  I just met her and let's just say there are other "prospects" who could also benefit from a little toy love. ;)  I promise I'll clean them!  But is there some sort of one-pussy-per-toy rule that I should follow?

Love you guys and looking forward to your response.

Todd

Tags: sex toy etiquette

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I love Todd's (name has been changed) question!  We wanted to protect his privacy, but this is a true story! 

To question number 1: 

He can take them home with him to bring when using them with her.  Eventually he will want to give them to her because they are being used on her.  He will have to communicate with her the expectation she has in regards to the toys.  In her mind, she might feel they were purchased for her and expects to gain ownership one day.  It is up to Todd to give them to her or keep them, as he made the purchase.  I would say give them to her!

Question #2:

Toys should not be shared with multiple people as you risk the chance to acquire an STD or other problem.  You should also look at the material of the toy, if it is jelly, rubber or a material that harbors bacteria, the answer is NEVER share.  It's like having multiple partners and spreading from one to the other.  Silicone, plastic and glass, to name a few that do not carry bacteria when cleaned properly.  Again, you should not share products, it's like jumping from one issue to another and spreading whatever one has to hundreds. 

I would tell Todd to buy the toys & gift the toys to make a happier sex life!

I like your advice Tamara. I think Todd will benefit more by giving the toys to this person rather than trying to pass the toys around. If he wants to use them with other people they he should just buy more :D its a win win if you ask me! 

Totally agree here. 

The hygiene thing is totally the deciding factor for me. Whether or not you care if she's letting someone else use them on her, it's fairly grotty to share them with other women so as far as these toys so they're hers. 

Just keep them where you're planning on having the most sex. If that's the glovebox of your car, your hotel getaway bag, whatever. 

Very practical advice!  The world would be a much happier place if we kept more toys in convenient, easy-to-access places.  :)

Oh poor Todd, if only EVERY guy has his problems, huh? 

I'm with Tamara on this one, the toys should go to her. 

And don't use them on another woman.  No matter how well you clean them it just isn't right.  I think toys are kinda like lingerie, once you give them to a woman, they are hers. 

 

Tamara, I definitely agree with you on this one!  As a matter of good hygiene, they should only be used with this girl.  But I wonder if some of our male club members would disagree about giving them to her. 

When I brought this up with some guys, they almost all agreed that Todd should hold on to the toys so the girl would have to "come back to him for more".  And a few guys even raised the concern: What if he gave them to her and then she used them with someone else?  Now that adds an interesting twist!  What is the etiquette there?  Now that she used them once with our buddy Todd, are they hers to use with another partner, too?

Well, Todd can certainly use the toys as "booty-call bait" that's his prerogative. 

 

If he did give them to her, then it is out of his control what she may or may not do with them.  If Todd doesn't like to sit and wonder then Todd should maybe make this girl more than a "booty-call"? Can't have your cake and eat it too, Todd-baby!  :P

 

Not saying this girl SHOULD use them with other guys.  That goes back to the hygiene thing and isn't acceptable, either.  But we're not discussing her potential behavior, we're discussing Todd's current behavior.

LOL!  Booty-Call Bait!  I love it!

Its interesting to hear people give the argument about hygiene. But I have another opinion. All toys can be cleaned. I have never had any male toy harbor bacteria since I used a great cleaner and soaked them. 

To me, it sounds like a woman that wants to be possessive about an orgasm and the toy. And the guy has to right to keep it. He has no idea how she is going to use it without him. 

She isn't worried about bacteria by using it more than once, so why should anyone be that concerned.Most toys [ in my experience ] can be cleaned effectively. 

"And a few guys even raised the concern: What if he gave them to her and then she used them with someone else? "

Bit of a double standard there.  He's actually asking if it's hygienic to use them with someone else -i.e, it's something he's planning on doing at some point - but she's not allowed to.

I was always a firm believer in 1 toy per person/couple.  I mean sure you can clean and sterilize them but is it ever really clean enough?  (rent-a-dildo.com - really?  It's like netflix for sex toys)  --- As far as who the toy belongs to, yeah I would say it is definitely still Todd's toy, and he should feel free to take it home with him, but on a split up...I would say either toss it out, or give it to her.  The only thing safe to share with your next partner are handcuffs and the like (in my opinion only of course).  As for her using it with her next partner, that's her secret.  Only she knows where it came from and Todd may never know again how or when it was used!

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